I hate Legos

  To be more specific, I hate Lego sets. I have nothing against the idea of Legos themselves. I loved them as a kid and like to use my imagination to build planes, and houses, and swords. Back in the 70's and 80's legos were a little bit bigger and would stay together for the most part, unless you were being to rough. My 4 year old son asked for a Harry Potter Lego set and a Star Wars Lego set as well. The company builds some nice looking sets with a lot of detail and multiple figurines to play with. The problem is that your average set has 500-600 pieces that require more than some assembly. Within 10 minutes of a child or children playing with one of the lego sets, things start to fall apart due to the fact that the pieces are incredibly small. So whenever Harry casts the patronus charm, the god damned hair falls off his head or the bunk beds in the Griffyndor dorm room falls apart. They should just make the castle itself a few easy to put together pieces so that kids still get a chance to make something and then get to enjoy the toy without concern that Hogwarts is going to be nothing more than rubble before they finish reenacting the first week of school. The kick in the nuts for all of this is the fact that the cost of a lego set ranges from $50-$160 depending on the size. I would have liked to have bought the Millenium Falcon for my kids, but between the 2 business days worth of work, the 13 1/2 minutes it would have taken to destroy, and the $159.99 (on sale) price tag made me want to cancel Christmas. Legos is in the business of causing stress.

Living life in the specter of death

  A couple of nights ago, around this time, I was working on my magnum opus of a blog entry that I have been talking about for quite some time now. It's real, I swear. I was taking a short break to check my twitter account and saw the news that Christopher Hitchens had passed away. I knew that he had cancer and was nearing the end, but it still caught me by surprise. I don't claim to be a big fan of Hitchens and only knew a little bit about him. I had seen him on the Bill Maher show some years back and was pulled in to his aura by how honest he was, even his general demeanor. He was smoking a cigarette, if I recall correctly and drinking a glass of scotch, which Maher pointed out. At first, I was annoyed at his brazen and confrontational attitude, but then like many, charmed by his intelligence and wit.

  The next day, I read a few news stories about him and watched a few interviews given by colleagues and friends of his. I was especially moved by a short remembrance that his brother had written about him upon hearing of his death. Without going into great detail, the two brothers were philosophically opposed on many subjects, to the point of not speaking for a long period of time. They had gotten on better in recent years and had mutual respect for one another. The one strongly held belief, of the many that he possessed, that struck a chord with me was atheism.

  For all intents and purposes, I am an atheist. To be much more specific I am a non-theistic realist or perhaps an apatheist. Personally, I don't believe in a god or afterlife, but I don't claim that there isn't one. Some have said that explanation than falls in to agnosticism, which basically states that the existence of god can't be known. I don't necessarily agree with that. Perhaps we don't have the technology or knowledge to prove or disprove the existence of god or a deity. Religion just doesn't play a part in my life, with the exception of having to deal with the obligatory residue of believers I come in to contact with. When I was younger and first came to this realization of belief, I was a bit confrontational about it, when confronted. I did not seek out arguments, but didn't back down either when the conversation arose. Now, I prefer not to talk about it much, especially if it is likely to turn in to a debate.

  The bottom line for me is that regardless of personal beliefs, whether they be in the area of religion or other, each person has their own values, priorities, experiences, and viewpoints. I don't believe that my perspective on any given subject is right or wrong, with little exception. As I approach middle age, I believe less and less in right, wrong, good, and bad. These type of labels become more of a hindrance on life, discussion, and understanding due to the generality of their use and scope. The discussion of religion or the absence of it, has become similar to the question of, "What's your favorite song of all time?"

  These types of discussions are far too limiting in nature other than for the purpose of  setting up an understanding within the context of conversation. General beliefs such as religion, politics, and favorite sports teams are the builders of barriers that herd people together and more importantly, keep us apart. They limit us within the community and shun those who may actually be more like us than we think. These futile exercises in identification hold us back from truly being a more global community, which I have come to believe is a problem without answer. It is far too normal and common for humans to clench these types of description and labels in order to make sense of the world and perhaps more importantly themselves. I believe that this behavior, no matter the reason, is  a basic human reaction for the purpose of self preservation, whatever the goal.

  As I have grown and learned about the world we live in, which I am still quite ignorant of, I have attempted to be honest and objective within my stubborn opinions which has been at times, quite painful a process. One thing I have come to believe in more and more as I have moved farther and farther away from religious thought, is the old adage, "The more I learn, the less I know.", which at first is rather frustrating, but also uplifting. In addition to the most precious gifts in my life, my wife and children, I have gained a greater thirst for the future and the experiences I wish to have and although they may be intertwined with fear and frustration, they have caught me none the less.

 I think that it is my lack of faith or absence of belief in an afterlife that instilled a passion for life and experience which has grown and renewed itself with each door that opens in my time here. I have always said to my wife that I love the idea of being wealthy and the thought of living in luxury, but the only true possessions that I value above all are the lives of my children followed closely behind with that of my wife and my own as the caboose.

Update on the non-events of the last week.

I don't have much to update as of right mainly because my activity has been directed towards finishing up the 1st part of my (thesis statement) multiple blog entry on government's policies towards the financial sector and online poker. I was hoping to have it done by now, but the more I research (mostly the financial aspect) the more I feel needs to be written. I am approaching the home stretch with regard to the meat and potatoes of the entry and will have to compose the overall introduction. Once I am finished with the 1st part, I intend on posting each section a week apart so that I can put my focus on the poker aspect, part 2 as it were. I would like to post the entire section together at one time on another off-shoot blog page for this entire paper, just in case anyone comes across it and wants to read it as an entire piece. I hope that I can finish everything before online poker legislation is passed as my writings will be moot (not that they're going to be gorundbreaking shit to begin with).

  I still have not been running. I believe I informed my reading public that I would be suspending my running plans, as being a stay at home dad has been claiming more of my very little free time due to the fact that my sons are no longer willing to take naps. I was hoping to have made much more progress by now, but I had an injury about 4 weeks back that put me on the sidelines and then my home schedule just got tougher. I am going to have to reacess my goals for the Chicago marathon next year and make it more realistic. Plus, I really love drinking beer and eating fatty foods which is not good for staying healthy.
I hope everyone is enjoying the Holiday season and staying safe. I will talk to you all soon. Have fun!
 

I love Scotch!

I am a apprentice when it comes to Scotch. When I was 28 I used to drink 7&7 which is hardly drinking scotch at all. I then moved on to Scotch and soda and the scotch itself was probably swill. When I turned 30 I started to give Johnnie Walker a try and liked it for a little while. Then I began to taste some real scotch whenever my wife and I would go out with other couples for dinner. Soon I ditched the water part and was slowly sipping single malt scotch neat. I finally bought my first "nice" bottle of scotch in my mid 30's and that was a bottle of Laphroaig 16 year.

I loved that smoky peat flavor with a nice smooth finish. After finishing that rather quickly I gave a bottle of Lagavulin a try which was quite nice as well. Still a bit of a novice I moved on to a bottle of Bowmore which was much smoother with a bit of sweetness to it. Not my favorite, but not bad at all. I just finished up a bottle of the Ardberg Corryvreckan (sp) and that took a while as it was strong. Tonight I went back to Binny's (they always have a great selection of everything) and debated trying something new or going back to the ol' standby by Laphroaig. I decided to try a bottle of Highland Park 12 year (which has a small bottle of the 18 year-schwiiinnggg!) and a bottle of Caol Ila 12 year to boot. That's about it for now. I will let you all go as it is getting late and I want to give these bottles a try. Have fun you scotch drinkers!

Running log--Week #7

So another week down the drain. As you have already read, last week I only ran one day due to an injury. At the beginning of this week, my knee was still a bit tender. I didn't end up running at all, mostly because of it being Thanksgiving week and I knew that I wanted to eat, drink, and be lazy. Thanksgiving was fine and I was happy to have lots of pumpkin pie. Saturday I went tailgating with some friends at the NU game v.s. MSU. It ended up raining a little bit before game time, so we decided to just hunk her down under the 2 canopies we had and drink more alcohol. I tasted some Salmon flavored Vodka.

The only way I can describe it is to say that it's probably a little better than prison rape.  I will have to admit that I have never been in prison for that to have happened.
I am hoping to get back in the saddle of running tomorrow and start off very easy as not to injure myself again. I did get a quick trip to the casino last night and was up $37 after a little over 2 hrs playing NLHE.

I am still working on the opus that will be my hypothesis of the government's policies toward online gaming as well as the Financial Sector. I have finished about 40% of the 1st part which I hope to post in mid December. The next part will probably be up later that month or early January. I hope all is well. Have Fun!

Poker Update

It's been a while since I have given any strong update on how my poker playing is going. The reason for that is because I haven't been playing much poker lately which is disappointing to me and at the same time, fuel for my writing. I've taken to Twitter in order to voice small sound bite opinions or pass on articles and opinions of others that I'm following. (I hate using slang and meme)
 First off, my dual poker challenge has basically taken an indefinite leave of absence. In case you haven't read my earliest entries which began right after Black Friday (that's poker related Black Friday, not the one right after Thanksgiving). The first challenge was to get experience playing NLHE live at my local casino. It started off well and then saw some bumps in the road. It then got harder and harder to find time to drive all the way to the Casino, especially being a Stay at home Dad. I played very little poker in Las Vegas a few month back and have yet to play live poker since then.
 My online challenge hit some rough waters as I had a major downswing/runbad/playbad  October. Finding the time to devote to playing A-game poker online has also become much more difficult. I've been using free time to either run or research my epic multi-post blog entry relating to online poker and Wall Street. I hope to have it done before Christmas and more importantly, before legislation is passed which would make my writing a bit moot.
Well, I will let you all go and hope that some of you who visit stay a while and read some past blog entries. Have fun!

Running log--Week #6 a.k.a "Sonnuva bitch!!!"

So, things were going well in my training through 5 weeks. I had seen some bumps and bruises along the way, but all in all, training was steady. I was averaging 10-12 miles per week, running 3-5 times. There were a few days that I would have to take off due to soreness, or fatigue, and weather. I started off week #6 in good form by running 3 miles on Monday night and I felt pretty good. The next day I was  a bit tired, but still planned on running. My wife ended up having to work late so I had to miss Tuesday, but that wasn't horrible. Wednesday was normally a day off of running, so I would just switch with Tuesday and not skip a beat. The problem was that my left knee began to hurt around noon. It slowly became more and more painful as the day went on. I decided not to run and by the time I was in bed my knee hurt like a Mo Fo. I ad a difficult time falling to sleep and woke up today with some tenderness. Perhaps I just needed to take a few days off and let things get better. Well, it may be more than just a few days as I can barely walk on it without feeling sharp pain in my knee. I'm not sure if I hyper extended it or what, but it's not happy.

When it comes to setting goals in the year 2011, I am getting kicked in the crotch over and over again. I really hope that this is not long-term and I can start up again by next Monday, but I haven't felt this much pain in my knee in a long long time. If any of my readers...Hello?

If any of my readers are religious in any way shape or form, then please pray for me as I am basically an atheist and will get no reply for god as he has most definitely "unfriended" me a long time ago. Thanks and I hope we passed the audition.

Week #5 running log

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I was disappointed by not being able to run on Monday or Tuesday. Weather and children's schedules got in the way, so I ran 4 days in a row starting Wednesday and am quite sore now. I am hoping that my body starts becoming stronger in the next 4 weeks so that I can add on the mileage before the end of the year.


Monday-Had little time to run and the little time I had, it was raining cats and dogs.
Tuesday-Had less time than the day before. DAMMITT!!
Wednesday-Ran for a little over 30 minutes and felt pretty good the entire time. Not so much after though. I drove the loop I ran to verify the distance and looks like I ended running close to 4.4 miles.
Thursday-ran for 30 minutes (close to 3 miles)
Friday-Ran for 30 minutes (close to 3 miles)
Saturday-Ran for 30 minutes (close to 3 miles) Feeling rather sore as I ran 4 days in a row to try an make up for missing Tuesday.

running log week #4

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Finished up my first month of running and I was hoping not to feel like a car that is breaking down. One day it's my knees, the next day it's my quads, the day after that it's my ankle. I am hoping that things start to feel bettter in the next month otherwise it's going to be a long 52 weeks. It's going to be a long 52 weeks anyways, but I was  hoping for it to resemble the Chariots of Fire theme song rather than the Little Enging that could.
Monday--ran for 30 minutes ( I think close to 3 miles).
Tuesday--Ran for 30 minutes (close to 3 miles, I think).
Wednesday-off
Thursday--did not run
Friday--Ran for 30 minutes
Saturday--Ran for 20-25 min (felt a bit tired near the end.)
Sunday-off

Why am I a stay-at-home-dad?

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"By choice man!"
That, in the most simplistic way, sums up why my wife and I chose for me to be a stay at home Dad over the alternatives. Before my wife and I were married, we knew that it was fast becoming inevitable that we would be engaged and have a wedding together. We had already moved into a condo and were talking about what we saw in our future, both together and our own lives. We both wanted to travel, eat at some nice restaurants, live in a house with a yard, work hard at our jobs, and of course have children. When discussing children, we were pretty much on the same page in our expectations. We wanted to provide a warm upbringing that consisted of love, care, education, fun, laughter, and experiences. One problem was day care. At the time, I was working in retail which had an ever changing schedule that included at least 2 nights a week and sometimes to weekend working days. My wife's job had always entailed a steady Monday thru Friday 9-5 type of work schedule which meant that we weren't always off at the same time and if that didn't change in the coming years, then child care could become an issue.
One day, my then girl-friend (I will just refer to her as wife no matter if we were married at the time) pointed out a Newsweek article about the rising percentage of stay at home Dads in America. She asked me if that was something that I would ever consider. She brought it up because she has a chance at becoming a full partner at her law firm that would require more of an already large time commitment and an obvious increase in pay. If I were to continue working then we would never see each other and were both agreed that that was not the way we wanted our lives to go, especially with a child. My first reaction was to completely balk at the suggestion, which is pretty much my nature to do whenever faced with a new idea.
After a few weeks, I began to talk it over a little bit with my wife (remember we're not married yet, but let's just call her my wife) and we discussed the situations that may come up in which it would be best to have one of us, mostly me, be a stay at home parent. We had no problem with the possibility of hiring a nanny, depending on the time commitment as well as the cost. All of our parents would probably be in their 60s and 70s when we had children so it would be quite difficult to count on them as full-time daycare. We didn't have to make any type of definitive plan, but it was important that we knew what our options were and if we felt comfortable with them.
Fast forward 3 years and my wife is told that she is going to be induced into labor because of her symptoms of preeclampsia. Everything works out and although the little guy is a little underweight, things turn out. I took 6 weeks off of work because my wife needed a little bit of bed rest and then went back to work. Things started out well, but that was because my wife was still on paternity leave and had help with her parents during the day. A few weeks after she had gone back to work herself, the schedule began to get a bit hectic. It became quite clear that my wife was not happy about the differences in our schedule and wanted to make some sort of change. At first we talked about hiring a nanny for 3-4 days a week and soon found out that it would cost roughly $28,000-$25,000 per year based on what we needed. That would be 3/4ths my paycheck after taxes and would require that my wife have a little more restricted work schedule herself. Since our wedding, my wife had gone from a law firm to an in house job as a corporate lawyer and was moving up the ladder. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense for me to stay home full-time and take care of our son. My wife would be able to get promotions which would mean more money, her job already was paying her quite well, and we would be almost breaking even at the end of the year from a financial standpoint if we were to hire a nanny.
It was settled. Now what the hell do I do?
Surprisingly my wife was quick to accept my proposal, not only the first time around, but this one as well. Once I got in to the groove of the daily schedule and felt comfortable in what to expect, I really enjoyed being at home for a myriad of reasons. The retail business was in a general decline and management jobs were becoming much more competitive without the benefits. You were expected to work whenever it was called for which no longer seemed fair to me. More importantly I hadn't gotten a chance to know my own Father who had died when I was 4 years old, so I thought this was a wonderful opportunity for me. Now 4 years and 3 sons later, I am feeling more of the same way. I would be lying if I said that it wasn't incredibly tough and draining, but for me, this is where I want to be. I am not religious at all and I don't know what's going to happen, so I don't want to miss watching my kids growing at this age. I could go into a lot more detail, but that would take up countless entries and hours, but most of all, I'm happy to leave it at that.
Thanks for reading.

My poker history 2009--Part 3

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After a bout with shingles, being a new parent of twin boys and being utterly exhausted, I decided to take the rest of July off. In fact, I hadn't really known whether or not I would return to playing online poker with the same interest or focus as I had before. As August rolled around, I started to feel the itch to get back into playing some poker. My wife and I had a night nurse 3 to 4 days a week so that we could have some sleep which was crucial now that we had 3 children all under the age of 3 years old.
Most of my sessions were around 11 PM after everyone had gone to sleep and I had an hour to myself. I moved back down to .50-1 so that I could feel a bit more comfortable and 3.27 BB/100 winner over the course of 5,100 hands which gave me a nice ego boost.
 September wouldn't fair as well although I still ended up a winner with a disappointing .78BB/100 after playing 7,500 hands. I had attempted to stay on the LAGier side of TAG, but not to go crazy postflop. I was also trying to use seat selection much more carefully than before. I started off October doing fairly well and by mid month, saw some opportunities to move up and play a few 1-2 FR tables with some immediate rungood. I limited the amount of tables I played when at 1-2 to no more than 3 at a time and usually only playing 2. I finished that month at 2.58BB/100 over 4,900 hands. It was obviously a more successful strategy at the time than playing nearly 10,000 hands like the previous month. Even though that plan seems to be rather obvious in hindsight, I was still expecting a lot more out of myself which was one way for disaster.
November began much like October in that I was mostly playing .50-1 with a little dabbling in 1-2. That quickly changed as once again I saw myself as shark ready to feed. Much like June and July, I was terribly wrong. Near the end of the month I saw a lot of losing sessions without many winning ones. I finished the month down money wise, but technically up as far as BB/100 goes with my .50-1 sessions helping to stave off the big losses at 1-2. You can probably see where this road is headed can't you?
December was basically my first all 1-2 month, which was most definitely a mistake given the circumstances. Surprisingly enough I had a very good month with the exception of one day in the middle when  had a 60 BB downer which hurt my BB/100. All in all I ended up at 1.02BB/100 which is ok, especially taking into consideration that I was not playing A game poker.
Much like the beginning of the year I had some other high notes in poker during this time that were not attributed to cash games. In August I finished 2nd in a 180-man SNG which brought in $144 and then in late December I netted my first 180-man SNG win in NLHE which brought in $108. I finished the year with $522 in tournament winnings and $1,433 in cash game winnings, which includes all of the holdem variants. It was a roller coaster ride at times, but I learned quite a bit. Not that I would apply all that I learned right away, but at least it was stored up for the next go around.
All in all I knew that I had a strong love for poker and wanted to learn a lot more. I learned that when I stayed in my game that I could reduce my risk and pick up the skills that were needed in order to move up. I was beginning to learn that moving out one's comfort zone didn't mean becoming a crazy aggressive player overnight, but that's another story for another post.
Thanks.

week #3 running log--Sucked!

So my week #3 sucked ass. I started well as I normally run on Monday and Tuesday, followed by a day off on Wednesday and then ran again on Thursday. My son had a Halloween party for school which left me little time to run on Friday. I then went out Friday night with some friends and had way too much to drink leaving me very hungover on Saturday. Nix that. Sunday I spent time with my family so no running then either. I have to get back in to the saddle tommorrow during nap time so that I can keep pace for my first month of consistent running. It could have been worse...

Monday-- Ran for 35 minutes
Tuesday--Ran for 35 minutes
Wednesday- Day off.
Thursday-- ran for 35 minutes
Frday--did not run
Saturday--hung over from Friday night--did not run
Sunday--did not run.

Beauty and the Beast

Children's fairy tales have been around since the beginning of recorded history. They are used for a variety of reasons, most of which  help explain to children common life situations that arise from day to day. Some are fair, some scary, some violent, and some are far fetched, but they have been use in a variety of cultures and beliefs. They're often changed to fit  into the everyday life of the group using it. Fairy tales may not always be correct, or nice, or clean, but they communicate an life lessons to all who are listening. Unfortunately there are important morals that do get swept under the rug of entertainment. These classic tales, like politicians, speak to the human heart, rather than the mind. When we look at the metamorphosis of a fairy tale as it has been passed from generation to generation, we see a story that is meant to create a path of least resistance. Much like the man behind  the curtain in the "Wizard of Oz", the storyteller is motivated to get their way. Parents keep children out of the woods. Daughters are frightened by disease and lack of virtue so as to stay pure. Little boys tell the truth unless they want to be taken by mean old men. With the invention of movies, that motivation has changed into a monetary one and the storyteller is no longer the parent, but the studio. They enchant the fantasies of a child with one hand and reach into the pocket book of their parents with the other. This is not surprising, but more than a little disconcerting due to the lack of virtuous content available in some of the most popular fairy tale stories being shown on big screens the world over, whether they be in theaters or homes.
Disney's version of "Beauty and the Beast", in my opinion, is the prime example of an age old story of true love without the morale. The creators go beyond the stereotypical fantasy of princes and maidens and offer up some basic archetypes without the soul. The characters are lacking in depth that is a necessary attribute in children's role models . This is a small example of the how shoddy the overall production is despite the cutting edge visuals in computer animation.

Each time I see the Disney version of Beauty and the Beast, (which is way too many times as I have 3 kids all under the age of 5), I pick out new inadequacies that complete the aura of a Faberge egg, that is lacking in substance. I can only assume that Disney went overboard on the budget for animation and were forced to cut back on the creative writing team.

The obvious and most blogged about aspect of Beauty and the Beast which has little to no explanation in the movie on its own is the timeline.
The prince lives in a castle with only servants to take care of him as well as the daily business. He shuns an old woman asking for shelter who then places a curse which transforms him into a beast. In order to break the spell he must find true love by the time he turns 21, or so we think. First off, does the curse become permanent on his 21st birthday or will the rose stop blooming on his 21st birthday? If it's the later, will the curse be permanent once all of the petals fall from the flower?
 The narrator states that the Beast has had the curse for 10 years which means that he was living in a castle alone when he was 11. What kind of negligent blue-bloods have their son live in a separate castle with only servants and tutors? The main castle isn't big enough to share with an 11 year old boy? What's with this old lady sorceress? She comes across an 11 year old boy who doesn't want to let her in? I teach my kids never to go with strangers, take anything from them, or let them in the house. This young prince was probably only doing what his servants/tutors had taught him (because we know the parents or off gallivanting in another castle). What crazy twisted old bitch  turns an adolescent, immature, boy into a beast, unless this is Disney's fucked up version of teen aged acne, in which case they need to get off the Thomas Hobbes philosophical bandwagon and get in touch with their inner child.
End rant...
 If  he had been a beast passed his 21st birthday and the flower has been wilting for 5-7 years then that makes more sense, which again, goes back to the terrible story telling that Disney has provided.

The next and most obvious turn off of Disney's Beauty and the Beast is the the character Belle. She is framed as the intelligent, educated, beautiful, misunderstood, classic feminist who's ahead of her time and wants to achieve more in the world than what society will allow her.

The opening song for Belle gives the audience a look into not only her daily comings and goings, but more importantly a sneak peek into her inner thoughts as well as those provincial little people she passes by. All of the towns people look at her as an enigma that they cannot figure out, which most likely is because they are active and performing tasks that need to be done, like shopping, working, cleaning, feeding, farming, just those "little people" things that are unimportant in real life. Belle has the luxury of reading all day and dreaming of exciting adventures in exotic locations which always end up with her and a rich young prince. What kind of a role model is this for young girls to look up to?

She reminds me a little of the character Tom Wingfield in the Tennessee Williams' play, The Glass Menagerie,  who, like Belle, is tired of the banality of everyday life. He mindlessly works at a warehouse and dreams of adventure in the dark of a movie theater. A big difference in the two characters, other than the obvious, is that Tom ends up leaving his home in search of that other life. I don't mean to imply that the character of Tom Wingfield is a role model or something that people should aspire, but he did finally leave home. The main argument in his actions would be whether he did it to escape or that he found the courage of his convictions. Belle  falls upon the adventure that she has been dreaming about due to unforeseeable circumstances when her father gets lost and is imprisoned by Belle's future love. (Foreshadowing alert!)

The other main character of the story is obviously "The Beast", an angry, uncontrollable, immature, brute who feels sorry for himself and is looking to undue his curse by picking the lock rather than finding the key. He is so insecure of himself that he goes so far as to imprison an old man for life without questioning him why he may be in the castle. A side note to this scene are the actions that the supporting characters don't even offer up any argument or fight to the judgement handed down by their master, even though they enticed him to stay and are partially to blame for being in the castle. The Beast has apparently learned nothing since being cursed and his self-exile is a way for him to cut off his nose to spite his face. How does he or his servants expect to undue the spell if they never venture off the castle grounds? Furthermore, how can The Beast be expected to fall in love with someone in a healthy manner even if they were to stumble upon him and his motley crew? He has no relationship that is reciprocal in nature. He is self loathing and can't even stand his own sight, let alone having someone else look at him without "losing his temper".

 Most love stories contain 2 characters who, like Beatrice and Benedict, are at odds with each other , have little in common, and almost no chance of falling in love. Belle and the Beast get to know each other and realize that they have more in common than first expected. The climactic morale of the story is that love can be found in the most unusual of places. It's a very nice sentiment  drowned in a sea of terrible writing. Belle and the Beast grow fond of each other and  supposedly begin to fall in love. The first glaring problem is that Belle never asks nor learns of the Beast's real name. She simply refers to him as "Beast". Does she really lack enough interest to find out his name? Is this how the flame of early love is kindled?

This is a horrible example of how 2 people who are falling love should treat each other.

Later on the Beast wishes to show Belle how much he values her friendship. Instead of telling her about his past, or communicating his new found feelings, he gives her a library of books that haven't been read in more than 10 years. This illustrates how far the Beast is from making any change in his character. Instead of being locked down in solitary confinement as her Father was,  she is moved to the more comfortable confines of minimum security, fully equipped with staff and a wonderful book collection to keep her company. She's still being kept prisoner for life by a self absorbed werewolf who wants nothing more than to break a curse by hitting the sheets with this pretty little inmate. It all sounds like a scene out of Pulp Fiction. All we're missing is the Gimp who was transformed into a Mummy. At least she doesn't have to be bothered by those little people from the village that she loathed so much a few days earlier.

The last major defect in the story is that of the timeline, which is rather obvious from the get go. Belle's father leaves to travel to the fair to show his invention.  Belle doesn't realize that her father is lost until the horse he was riding on comes back home. This was probably over the course of a day or two. Belle goes out to look for Maurice and falls upon the castle where he is being held. There's no snow on the ground in the village where she lives or at Beast's castle, but when her father is released and heads back to town, there appears to be a bad snowstorm. That night, I can only assume, Belle refuses to dine with the Beast and then tries to escape the castle after he yells at her. They both end up back at the castle after a fight with some wolves. He then spends a nice winter day with her outside. That night the two of them get dressed up for dinner and dancing. Now we are on the 2nd night that she is in the castle and we have already gone from late fall, to winter. She sees in the magic mirror that her father is sick in the woods and there is no longer any snow. The Beast lets her go to help her father. Belle takes her father home which we can only assume takes a day and there is snow on the ground again. Later that night, Gaston and the head of the crazy asylum come to take her father away and the snow is gone once again. How long were Belle and the Beast together in the castle?

Either they only spent 2-3 nights getting to know each other or Disney did a terrible job of telling giving us the timeline of the story. They couldn't have fallen in love given the time frame compounded with the incredible amount of psychological baggage they're carrying. Either way, it's rather surprising how big of a shit sandwich Disney is willing to sell to children.

 These are just a few of the many examples of how poorly constructed Disney's version of "Beauty and the Beast" is, not to mention how inappropriate some of the subject matter can be. Disney's French stereotyped characters use difficult situations as leverage to get money and sex. When that plan fails they resort to sexual assault as can be seen by Lefou who fondles Babette the feather duster during the attack on the castle near the end of the movie. Disney studios has made a fortune, to say the least, on the marketing of this movie over the past 22 years since its release and in that time, I have never heard anyone bring up most of which I have written above. Just because something is a spectacle to see doesn't make it a good product. It's important for parents to take a closer look at the content of their children's viewing habits which continues to become more and more desensitised. I am in no way suggesting that children should be sheltered from the realities of life, but I think it would be better to have it explained in a proper manner. I also think that a story like "Beauty and the Beast" shouldn't start with a marketing plan and leave the story to be sorted out later. We all know that the Devil lies in the details.  

week #2 running log

The 2nd week of running wasn't as easygoing as the first, surprisingly enough. My muscles were a bit more sore from the first week and my right knee began to hurt a little bit on Wednesday so I took an extra rest day. My body is feeling a bit better after 2 weeks of getting the cobwebs out of the system, but I still have a long ways to go before I am up to the challenge of running 6 miles, or even a 5K, let alone being in Marathon form.



Monday-ran for 40 minutes
Tuesday ran for 35 minutes
Wed-off
Thursday--Took day off because knee hurt.
Friday--ran for 30 minutes.
Saturday--ran for 30 minutes.

Week #1 running log

I finished my first official week of running. I am starting out with a specific amount of time that I plan on running so that I can go at whatever pace seems best for me. I don't want to make a goal for how far to run so that I don't over do it. I have been feeling better with each time out and finished the week with a 3 mile run with a friend of mine who is rather active in sports. I will keep an update each week as well as a log of my progress.

Sunday 10/9--Ran for 40 minutes for the first time in many many many years. First day towards Marathon 2012.
Tuesday 10/11--Ran for 40 minutes.
Wednesday 10/12-Ran for 45 minutes
Thursday 10/13-Ran for 40 minutes--possibly 3.5-4 miles.
Friday -Off
Saturday--Ran 3 miles around 30 minutes.
Sunday--Off

So, how is the poker game going?

I haven't given an update on much of my poker playing for a good reason...

My poker challenge of zero to hero was going well up until the month of September when I focused primarily on NLHE. The easiest way to describe it would be...

...which was followed by  an uptick to breakeven over the course of another 3,000 hands followed by..

Much like the offensive line of the Chicago Bears this season, my poker game basically...

So this should give you somewhat of an idea of how my poker playing has been going for the past 45 days. There aren't many games online for the bankroll that I have and my NLHE attempt hasn't been an epic failure, but it is headed in that direction. I stopped playing NL4 on Cake poker just to let the wounds heal and get an idea if I have reverted to a complete fish. Some of it has been terrible run bad results, some has been calling down too much, some has been crazy cold deck, and some has been me just not being as serious as I should be when it comes to playing my A game. I haven't had much time to play live either, even though I went to Las Vegas (see prior posts). I was going to play more poker out there, but decided that I would just hang out with friends, which was a bit of a wash in terms of overall enjoyment. I should have just gone to the hotel pool each day and gotten girl drink drunk on Pina Coladas.
I am still technically a winner in both my online poker challenge (see first posts) as well as my transition to playing NLHE live. I was $78 in my one NLHE session at the Bellagio that lasted perhaps 3 hours.
I had one hand in which I picked up AhKh in EP and raised to $10 and got 2 callers, one OTB and the other in the BB.
The flop came--Kd Ks 9d. check, I bet $28, one fold, SB calls.
Turn brings--6s
Check, I bet $80, SB calls.
River is a low brick card and SB checks, I had a little over the pot left and bet 3/4 in the middle. The SB hemmed and hawed about me having a missed flush draw vs his mid pocket pair, but he folded. That was my poker highlight for the weekend.
Well, we'll see what the rest of 2011 brings. I don't expect alot in the way of action, but there's always hope...
I plan on finishing the 3rd installment of my poker history-2009 within the next week. Thank you for tuning in.

A year from today...10/9/2011

A few days ago I received a text that a friend of mine whom was apart of my Las Vegas Extravaganza trip last month, was in the ICU with bleeding in the left ventricle of his brain. Apparently it was caused by extremely high blood pressure and may be an indication of a stroke or possible aneurysm. I picked up some mutual friends and sped off to the hospital to visit him. To make a long story short, the bleeding stopped and all of his tests were negative. It was solely the high BP that caused the bleeding, but it was obvious that he needed to change his eating and drinking habits. It's not normal for a 44 year old man to be in the hospital with a blood pressure reading of 221/111. The doctors were amazed that he didn't have a stroke at that point.
This leads me to me. Right before I got this news of my friend, I had been thinking of making some changes in my own life. I have been feeling more stressed out than normal. without going into too much detail, I have had many things happen this calendar year in my family that has been a stress creator and I have done a poor job at managing that stress or alleviating it. Exercise is a good way of relieving stress while at the same time, getting into better shape. I have always enjoyed running and was quite a good runner in high school, but it's been nearly 20 years since I was serious about it. So, with the Chicago Marathon right around the corner, I have decided to make a goal for myself of training for 2012 Chicago Marathon. From what I have read, you need to have a baseline foundation of 12-15 miles per week before officially starting your marathon training program, even for a beginner, which I most certainly am. Today was the first day that I went out for a brisk walk of about 2 miles. No, that's no astonishing feat (no pun intended), but  I am going to start off slow so that I don't over do it and injure myself right out of the blocks.
 I will update my progress as we go and if anyone (that is assuming I actually have regular readers of this blog) has some good suggestions on training for a Marathon over the course of 12 months, please let me know. Thanks and have fun. Below are a few links that I am including in case anyone has some interest in learning more about training for a marathon. I am putting myself in the Novice 1 category which means the running I do in the next 6 months is just to get to zero, if you will. Thanks again for reading.
Hal Hidgon
Running routes

Visions of peaceful coexistence: The Rainbow connection

In the movie "Sleep with me", there is a scene in which Quentin Tarantino discusses his opinion on the true meaning of the movie "Top Gun".

Subversion on a massive scale. Now, as you may know, Quentin Tarantino improvised that scene  and I doubt that the true message of "Top Gun" is one man's struggle with his own homosexuality. An example to help refute this interpretation is  the scene that Tarantino's chracter discusses in which Kelly McGillis is wearing an aviator's suit. It was shot in post production because the studio wanted a little more development in their relationship and she had already had her hair dyed for another movie which forced her to wear a hat. Tarantino uses Top Gun as an example of how people can interpret things from a wide range of vantage points regardless of the intended message. It doesn't have to be subversive, but messages can take on a life of their own, especially in the different mediums of art.

In 1979 I was 6 years old and going to the movie theater was a very special event. I loved watching The Muppet Show and was very excited when I heard that a  Muppet movie was being released.
A 6 year old boy is not normally into sweet ballads, so when Kermit appeared in the bog strumming a banjo and singing, I was quite unhappy until the "chase" part of the movie began. "The Rainbow Connection" was, at that time, nothing more than a sweet song of hope. How disgusting. Over 30 years later, it has taken on a completely new meaning for me. It still has the same basic message of hope and positivity, but in light of recent events, it has become more of an anthem for civil rights than plain hope. Just take a listen and read the lyrics with an open of a mind, as if you were hearing the song for the first time.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.


Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.


All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.


Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.


To begin with from the most simple aspect, "The Rainbow Connection" can be interpreted as a song about the challenges that gay men and women face in the world. Obviously a rainbow is a widely used symbol in gay culture whether it be at Pride parades,  decals in the window of bars or on church placards to denote that an establishment welcomes gay men and women.
It is visual harmony in a world filled with unlimited differences. A spectrum of variance that illumninates the dark when combined which is a hopeful and positive idea found in a natural phenomenon.
Now with this interpretation we can go through the lyrics and take a somewhat vague or generalised message and see an all too real situation for many young people without hope over being ostracized because of their sexual orientation. Millions of children wondering if they will ever feel apart of a community, be looked at as equals, or feeling secure in who they were born to be.

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.

I can't imagine having been given the incredibly difficult task to be told that the way I was born is wrong and against everything that is right in the world and then maintain a sense of hope for the future. The constant barrage of messages telling gay boys and girls, men and women that they are making a choice and that they should just be like everyone else.

So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.

It takes a great deal of courage, strength, and perseverance to wade through all of that negativity and discrimination from family, friends, and countless others who claim to have your best interests in mind and still have a clear sense of what you truly want out of life.

Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

In a way, the vague questioning of the lyrics illustrates the relentless spirit of a people who are in one way or another forced to hide who they are, whether that be indentured servitude or having to put up a facade.
 Gay men and women are still forced into exile  and although the gay community has made great strides in the areas of social, cultural, political, and religious acceptance, they still are not quite viewed as 5/5ths of a citizen in the United States, not to mention the barbaric treatment in 3rd world countries which are actively restricting rights of the gay community up to and including death. They're still fighting their way out of the closet.

What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

The active passivity and warmth of these lyrics hearken back to a great work of rhetoric in the area of equal rights. It may sound like a bit of a stretch, but Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream speech" outlined a time when people would not look on the color one's skin as an indication of quality, much like that of one's sexual orientation.
I would not put the lyrics of this song alongside a seminal work such as King's speech at the steps of the Lincoln monument, but it does act as a reminder that when calling for equal rights, you speak for all or none. You do not just look to represent a minority of the minority. You represent the few amongst the masses.
More importantly the lyrics of "The Rainbow Connection" speak to the individual in a reassuring manner, especially in the third verse.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

The line, "Is this the sweet sound, that called the young sailors," is a reference to the Greek mythological story, "The Odyssey", by Homer in which Sirens attempt to lure sailors ashore by singing in hopes of causing them to crash on the rocks. The singer isn't quite sure if the voices they're hearing are in their best interests,  but they keep calling to the listener from within. The voices are inexorably tied with their identity. A fact which cannot be ignored.
 Another image that is brought to mind in this verse is the stereotype of the Navy being a semi-gay organisation. This belief is in large part attributed to the longstanding rivalry between the Marines and the Navy. An example of that can be seen the movie, "A few good men", with references to the "Faggoty White uniform", of the Navy. In light of the repeal of D.A.D.T., allowing gay men and women to openly serve in the armed forces, this takes on a very new resonance in the song's lyrics.

I know that most of what I have written is purely my own interpretation and this sort of armchair psychology can be done by almost anyone with respect to works of art in a given medium. Nietszche was labeled an anti-Semitic, misogynistic, anarchist, but those interpretations are highly debated and controversial. Countless religions feel they have the copyright on "The word of God" despite their lack of proof or historical fact. Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher most likely did not intend "The Rainbow Connection" to be a gay rights anthem, but at times, great art takes on a life and message of it's own. The lyrics speak of an irrepressible desire to be proud of one's self. They wish for the listener to reach a place of rest, much like the path of another gay icon, Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz".

Something that is undeniable throughout the course of human history is the need for being apart of a community. We inherrently want to be with other people, who hopefully are like us, share a culture, language, history of experience, and most important of all, a connection. We are in the midst of a critical point in the history of mankind where we can not just fall back on culture as an excuse for our behavior, but use it as a spring board to move beyond what we were born into and create new, universally accepted cultures. We cannot shun that which we in the majority are unaware of. The gay community has been around since the beginning of human kind and they have waited far too long to wait a little more. No matter what you label a group of people, they are human and we cannot take away their inalienable rights, otherwise we are no better than those barbaric cultures who enslaved people for their own gain. We, as a people of this nation, will be viewed as the ones who could have realized the dream of our forefathers and failed to do so out of prejudice.

Glory Days...

I just got back from a long weekend in Las Vegas on Sunday and was preparing to write a "Trip Report", but decided against it so that I can get my thoughts together and come up with a theme to my weekend. Instead I want to talk about something that has been going through my poker mind lately and that is my waining interest in playing poker. Without going into too much detail, I only played about 3 hours of poker over the course of my Las Vegas Extravaganza weekend for multiple reasons. One of which was the fact that I didn't feel an urgency or overwhelming desire to play. I wanted to hang out with my friends who joined me on the trip and I wanted to let go of having to concentrate. It's a bit disappointing to me that I may be losing the spark of passion for poker, but it makes a lot of sense given the times.
 Black Friday was truly a terrible day for poker players all around the world as well as the U.S., even though the elephant had been in the room since 2006. Serious online pros and hobbyists alike faced the  nearly insurmountable task of trying to get back home. The causal player wouldn't be bothered jumping through hoops to get money online which in turn only made the games that much more difficult. It was as if the ocean had just lost all of its lowered tiered fish and made the food chain much more competitive similar to the late 2006 when UIGEA passed and many online poker sites left the U.S. market.
Online poker in the United States might as well be dead, in my opinion. Hardly anyone is getting money off of the few networks that are running and the amount of games available are laughable. The entire community seems to be in a bit of a daze. I can only compare the sudden robust to busto shift online to Enron's collapse in early 2001. The big wigs at the top of the organisations (who don't go to jail), will be fine. They'll have other avenues to explore whether it be playing live, getting jobs other high priced jobs or retiring. It's the grinders and semi-serious hobbyists like myself who will ultimately be forced out, so to speak, which brings this back to my poker life today.

 Soon after Black Friday, I made the decision to take up NLHE more seriously than before and move from LHE permanently. Things started off well in the beginning and although I have hit some breakeven times, that is to be expected, especially when learning a new game. The overall problem is that being a stay at home dad of 3 kids 4 years old and under makes it rather difficult for me to concentrate on poker given the tougher conditions with respect to playing online. Combine that with the fact that the closest casinos that offer poker are all at least an hour away and it makes things all the more difficult to keep my poker brain running and well oiled. I've never been the type of person who can leave an activity for long stretches of time and then come back to them in good shape.
If online poker were to somehow go back to how it was pre Black Friday or even more so pre UIGEA, it would take me some serious retooling to get my poker game back to where it was and even then, I would still be improving from there.
As I went from casino to casino this past weekend I felt as if I was revisiting an old apartment or dorm room that I had lived in before. I recognised the tables and the layout. I looked up at the screens that show the wait lists and had a small sense of longing for 2008 through 2010 when I was in the thick excitement over playing poker. I loved discussing strategy on 2+2 and looking at stats on PT3. I loved the feeling when I knew that I had improved and was no longer a complete fish. As I mentioned before, I have been a stay at home dad since 2007, so poker was important to me because it gave me the opportunity to use my mind in a way that I didn't use as a parent. It was also something just for me. My man cave of sorts. There was an energy around poker in those 3 years that made it more than just a TV fad of David & Goliath on ESPN. There was a connection of people around the world. I was discussing poker with people in Los Angeles, Oklahoma, New York, Scandinavia, Australia, and more. I had become apart of a community that my everyday life friends didn't really understand. I guess you could say, poker was my 1960's. What was once considered a degenerate lifestyle, was...well still a degenerate lifestyle, but now more legitimate. Some of the stank had been washed off and febreezed which made online poker all that much more acceptable for the many everyday citizens.

 I walked by the Venetian casino where I had a great run in 2006 and where I met up with a great LHE player from 2+2 last year. It just seemed like a mirage to me. Everyone needs to take a break from things at different times. I hope that this is nothing more than a break. I am looking forward to a time when US players are back in the thick of playing online and not having to find creative ways to get funds into and out of their accounts. I hope that I get the chance to be apart of the second coming of online poker and mania that was born out of the Moneymaker effect. Most of all, I hope I still have that spark to play poker seriously regardless of the stakes. I got into poker with the fantasy of winning that big payday Ala Chris Moneymaker, but I'll settle for being a solid winning player at the grinder stakes.



9/11/01

It will be no surprise that with the 10th anniversary of the 9/11/01 attacks that bloggers will be posting their, "Where were you on 9/11?" entries. It may seem cliche, but in the case of 9/11, I think it's a good idea for people to have a hard copy of their memories on such a historic and tragic event. First hand recollections of historic events can at time be a bit hazy to the reader, especially when those recollections are from times long ago. The audience may not have the cultural context of the times to truly understand the impact on the everyday citizen. Awaiting word of monumental news events could be anguishing for a family with son's on the front lines during the Civil War. Today people lose their cool if their iPhone is not in a hot spot.  Getting your experiences down that have something in common with a global community is not only cathartic and supportive in nature, but may hopefully remind us that through our differences, we are all people with common goals. We need to continue to strive for peaceful coexistence and tolerance as long as no one group is infringing on the inalienable rights of others.

2001 was shaping up to be quite a memorable year for me as I had finished one small theater production where I was one of the leads and had been cast in another production which had a good reputation at the lower levels of the Chicago Musical scene. I was working full time at a large video rental chain that rhymes with "Cock Mustard" so I had insurance as well as a steady income to pay the bills while I performed in theater on the weekends. Near the end of the production run I had started a romance with one of my female cast members. We started dating after the production had closed and  I would stay over at her apartment from time to time if I didn't have to work in the morning. We lived nearby one another in Chicago, but I had to ride my bike over to where she lived or she would drive to see me. The night of September 10th, 2001, which was a Monday, I went over to have dinner and watch a movie after a theater rehearsal that was in her neighborhood. We talked about my upcoming birthday and what plans we could make together. We fell asleep watching the movie "High Fidelity" which coincidentally was filmed a few blocks away. She had to work the next day and would give me a ride back to my apartment on her way to work. We woke and had coffee and toast for breakfast without watching any TV. About half way through the drive, she turned on a news radio station which was already talking about a disaster in New York City. This was moments before the 2nd plane hit the South tower of The World Trade Center. They announced that people were falling from the windows and we both lost our breath. I couldn't quite understand what was going on. I was rather ignorant to foreign affairs and was focused on my little theater world and trying to make a name for myself at the lowest levels. The radio announcer said,
"You will never forget where you were at this moment."

 We looked at each other in silence as we weren't entirely sure how this newly realized romance might progress.
I was dropped off at my apartment, still in a bit of confusion as to what was happening in New York City. I raced up the stairs and woke one of my roommates, Geoffrey, to let him know something terrible had happened. One of his artist friends, Matt, was sleeping on the couch and I quickly turned on the TV to the first local channel. Both of the World Trade Center towers were on fire and the three of us let out a collective,
"Holy Shit..."
 The news anchors were confirming that two commercial airliners had struck the Towers and that there was speculation that this was an act of terrorism. They also announced that there had been an explosion of some kind at the Pentagon, but are unsure of it's cause.
My roommate pointed to the TV and said,
"People are jumping, what the fuck is going on?"
The next ten minutes were a blur as we watched  smoke cascade in to the sky.
I was still trying to make sense of not only what was happening in New York, but the whole idea that 2 planes had been hijacked and flown in to skyscrapers. Who could plan this? Why?
"Oh my god, it's going to collapse.", Geoffrey said.
"What? That can't happen..."
The South tower just buckled right above the floors where smoke was flowing out of and collapsed on top of it self, floor by floor.
"Was there anyone in there? Were they evacuated? Are they all dead?", were some of the endless questions going through my mind.
The News anchor somehow kept his composure (I'm not sure which channel we were watching) and stated that if the South Tower collapsed, it wouldn't be long until the 2nd tower fell as well.
"If this was Terrorism we need to fucking find those cock suckers and fucking bomb them back into the god damned stone age", Geoffrey spurted out. He was now pacing around in visible anger. His friend, Matt just sat as I did, on the couch, slack jawed in shock.
We watched as people fled the streets near Ground Zero to get away from the monster like cloud of debris that was rolling through each street corridor.
Are we at war? What is the response to this? How is this happening?

It was also announced that a plane had crashed in Pennsylvania. I, like most people on this day, was petrified to leave my home. Although we were quite far from the Sears Tower in Chicago, we were still in a major city and what if a plane that was intended for a skyscraper nearby, crashed into our neighborhood. I felt a wave of helplessness wash over me that left nothing, but seething anger.
About an hour later my body started to relax  a little and in an effort to cope, I called my manager at work to find out if the store was closing given the events. I was a bit shocked that the corporate headquarters decided to keep all stores open. I arrived a bit before 4 o'clock for my shift and it was basically a ghost town inside. We had the stores TV set to new stations the entire night and didn't do much in the way of work. There was a man standing on the corner the entire night waving an American flag as passing cars honked and cheered. It was a strange yet comforting feeling that night as the few customers who did come into the store spoke to us like we were neighbors. There was no need of introductions or "Hellos". I was inexorably connected to everyone which filled me with a bittersweet feeling of pride, as I knew that in time, it would be paved over with my pessimistic view of the various personalities that frequented the store.
Within a few weeks the girl I was dating decided to go back to her previous boyfriend who had moved back from LA, I would end my aspirations of performing in theater with the end of the calendar year, and to reject the notion of joining the military with the request of going to Afghanistan as I had learned that Iraq was the real target for the current administration. The one thing that has never left me is the feeling of sadness for those who passed away on 9/11/01 and pride for those who fought to save them. I cherish the knowledge that despite our differences, Americans can and will come together in times of need.

Lady Gaga: All I hear is radio Blah blah

Whenever I hear about Lady Gaga or one or her songs, I think of a line from the Broadway musical, "Jelly's Last Jam" about the life of Jelly roll Morton.

"There was one messenger, who came to believe that the message was him..."

 Lady Gaga is, in my opinion, a living contradiction. Her in your face, no apologies, no retreat, reverberating rainbow persona has the appeal of a highway accident. Millions of people, whether they be fans or haters, are enthralled by the endless variations of fashion, performance, Pop-musical genre, and neo-futuristic sex appeal that Lady Gaga offers. Her outlandish public appearances can be likened to that of a Circus concession stand that sells nothing, but cotton candy in any color you choose. Her art becomes visual white noise that demands a higher ante with each ensuing performance. The inherent problem to Lady Gaga's vita d'arte is that her innovative product is lacking in originality. The Haus of Gaga is nothing more than a collage of pop-culture references and influence put together like 2 songs that have been "mashed" by the use of combining tracks and overdubbing vocals. When it comes to the end product of Lady Gaga's imagination, it is at best derivative of her interests and at worst, Pop-culture plagiarism on a grand scale.

A few nights ago Lady Gaga took on a alter ego called, Joey Calderone who looks like a conglomerate of Elvis, Danny Zucko, and Ralph Macchio with a fair attempt at a blue collar New York accent. She was totally committed to the part and from what I have seen and read, did not break character. Unfortunately, it all fell a bit flat and to quote the Bare naked ladies, "it's all be done before". Annie Lennox dressed up as an Elvis-like performer at an awards show back in 1984. Andy Kaufman, who could be considered one of the finest performance art comedians, invented Tony Clifton and obviously David Bowie became Ziggy Stardust in the early 70's.

 Lady Gaga has been a staunch supporter and outspoken advocate for the gay community, especially around the subject of equal/civil rights with same sex marriage as one of the key issues. Her dressing up as someone else, let alone a person of the opposite gender may have been an attempt at bringing to light the fact that we are all people despite our sexual orientation which is an admirable message that I personally agree with, but if it was also performance art, then it was an inarticulate attempt  that comes across as attention seeking. You don't convert the non-believers by slapping them in the face and you don't preach to the choir if you want to make headway in your cause célèbre.

Joey Calderone/Lady Gaga

Annie lennox in 1984

Tony Clifton/Andy Kaufman

Ziggy Stardust/David Bowie

Back when the Gaga/Beyonce song "Telephone" was released, all I heard about was how shockingly wonderful the video was. At first I refused to see it, but soon relented. Once again the entire video was packed with pop-culture cliches ranging from hardcore prison sexploitation to the obvious "Kill Bill" references complete with Pulp Fiction-esque dialogue and finished off with the glossy color pallate of a comic book graphic novel. Well, that was 10 minutes I won't get back. Who was this for other than her fans? Where is the innovation? Where is the originality?
All that I got from the video was that Lady Gaga is an ok dancer and isn't shy about showing off her...assets. That's not completely true. I understood the underlying messages that there are sub-cultures out there who are filled with people like the rest of us even if their interests differ from that of the the average Joe and Lady Gaga attempts to convey this message while also pushing the limits of what the main stream will accept . The problem is that she may be doing a disservice to the groups that she supports. Once again, those who are not cut from the Gaga cloth will in all likelihood, shun her performance, in whatever medium that may be, and blame the sub-culture that she is drawing attention to. Perhaps Lady Gaga is following in the footsteps of "John Doe" in the movie S3VEN by hitting them over the head with a hammer rather than tapping them on the shoulder. 

Video for "Telephone

A few months ago I was driving back from the grocery store and had the radio on (no I don't have an ipod dock in my Highlander) and heard the song, "Born this way" during the chorus. I didn't know at the time it was Lady Gaga, but with in seconds of listening I found myself humming the chorus to Madonna's, "Express yourself". Now before you say,

"Duhhhh. Barber!! That was in the news along time ago, you're not telling us anything we don't already know (unless of course, you don't know the song or any of the other references above, then I am so just shut the fuck up)."

Once I found out that this was the new Lady Gaga song, I chuckled to myself and said,

"Figures."

Once again, she was appropriating not only musical themes from Madonna, but the core of Madonna's style as well. There is the spoken word section much like in the song "Vogue" (Dietrich and DiMaggio...) as well as the aspect of both Madonna and Lady Gaga being in charge. You may have also noticed the obvious commentary on stereotypical gender roles in that Madonna is the CEO/slave driver of a pseudo factory, while Lady Gaga gives birth to a gun resembling a phallus that is evil. Men=Evil in the world.

On a side note the beginning of the video reminds me of the fake commercial that Grace Jones' character stars in during the movie, "Boomerang"

I read quite a few articles on Lady Gaga in writing this blog entry. A few quotes of hers that stood out to me were from an interview that she gave to Rolling Stone back in 2009. She was describing her tour at the time:


The tour, which has been billed as the "first ever" pop-electro opera, is "very, very forward, very, very innovative," the singer insists. And that aesthetic, she explains, has been captured in the very design of the show.
"The theatrics and story elements are in the style of an opera. Imagine if you could take the sets of an opera, which are very grand and very beautiful, and put them through a pop-electro lens," she told Rolling Stone about the tour (Oct 22 2009)



Now, before I start ripping into this little nugget, I will have to say that it would be unfair to take these words and super impose my interpretation on them as if I know exactly what she is trying to articulate. I will have to tread lightly...
I feel as though these quotes highlight Lady Gaga's ignorance in her description of  "new", "innovative", or "style", whether that be visual or musical. What the hell is a Pop-electro opera and how is that new or innovative? The Who wrote "Tommy" in 1969 which was considered a Rock Opera. Rush wrote "2112" which was a concept album in that it had a storyline of sorts with musical themes to represent characters and aspects of their personalities. For God's sake, even Styxx did something similar in the early 80's on the album "Kilroy was here", with the ever popular song, Mr. Roboto.
 Now, to give you a little insight, if you haven't read any of my previous entries, I originally aspired to become an opera singer. Ultimately, I stopped as I felt that I was not good enough to pursue it, but in all my years of being involved in music, one way or another, I have come to know quite a bit about opera and what it is known for. One could say that it is very grand and beautiful, but the sets aren't really what opera is truly known for. Opera sets have only become important in that genre over the past 30 years as a result of the emphasis being placed on the visual aspect above everything else performance based. That doesn't mean that elaborate sets and costumes weren't around before that, but there was much more of a suspension of disbelief and the grand manner were byproducts of the wonderful sounds coming from the soloists, the orchestra and the large choruses which incidentally are being reduced in numbers due to financial problems (possibly because of the cost from those grand fucking sets).
I find it ironically disgusting that a pop-singer never mentions singing within the description of a Pop-opera performance. In the end, it's all about the singing when you are a singer, isn't it?
Sorry, what the hell was I thinking? A singer talking about singing, what are you insane?

One could say that Lady Gaga is an entertainer who wears many hats. One of those hats she claims to wear is that of a "Performance Artist" although I would say that she's more Shock Jock than artist. To me, performance artists can convey their point of view in strange and unorthodox manners that challenge the audience and often leave them uneasy. The artist may often use loud and confrontational avenues, as Lady Gaga does, but they have subtle and quiet techniques at their disposal as well. The audience becomes the canvas and the performance artist incorporates our senses to create a chiaroscuro of response like the painter uses a range of colors to create the illusion of depth and motion. It is this interplay of big and little variants that capture the audience's attention and hold it for the duration of the performance in order to express the artist's vision. If you only have 1 or 2 gears to shift between then the performance, no matter how grand, will be flat. Shock and awe are not, in my opinion, the end result of art in any form. Those are, but instruments in the overall design of the machine used to create a performance which apparently Lady Gaga is unaware of. As I stated earlier, most everything she does is over the top, in your face, knock you off your feet bright. The Haus of Gaga has the subtlety of a 12 inch cock sticking out of a glory hole in the men's restroom.

Now, I was taught that if you can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. That old adage doesn't really apply to this blog entry as I haven't said anything all that mean about Lady Gaga or her fans, but just for those who may disagree...
 ...I think that the overall message of what Lady Gaga's music and performances convey is positive which can't be said for most. She is a strong supporter of gay rights which is a sad commentary on the part of society that doesn't view the subject of same sex marriage as a civil rights issue. Lady Gaga has a lot of balls to go out and do that voodoo that she do. I think it is a necessity that we have performers along her lines in every generation, whether they be original and innovative or derivative and a rehash of times gone by. As Hippocrates said, "Ars longa, vita brevis (translated into art lasts forever, but artists die and are forgotten). If there is one reason why I would applaud Lady Gaga it would be that she helps to fill a void in the area of confrontation in Pop-culture which is mostly devoid of critical thinking, even if she muddies the waters.
For me, Lady Gaga is like a chocolate statue. Sweet and ornate on the outside, but hollow on the inside. Her musical compositions are like that of a Beatles tribute band that writes the songs they think John, Paul, George, and Ringo would've written had they stayed together. It doesn't even offer some interesting musical twist as a band like The White Stripes' rock inspired riffs or Matthew Sweet's "Girlfriend" (which when I heard it made me think I was listening to a Beatle's remake that I had been previously  unaware of.).
 Lady Gaga's songs not only sound like cheap rip offs of the Glam Dance Pop 80's Bohemian Techno New Age Underground Club Kid scene, but they almost plagarize the musical composition that they admire, which can also be said of her fashions which vary between Madonna, Boy George, Cher, David Bowie, Courtney Love and so on. She consumes that which  influences her and then refashions it into a dress comparable  to "Buffalo Bill" from the movie Silence of the Lambs. She works tirelessly at hiding who she really is behind artistic mediums. It brings to mind the sun glass wearing Michael Jackson of 1983 who was deathly afraid to talk more than a few broken sentences. As we now know, he shunned his appearance and wished to reconstruct, literally and figuratively, himself into a new person. I wonder if Lady Gaga even knows who she is anymore or if she ever did.